Letting go

Letting go of someone you love is like living a life without purpose, driving without destination, and singing a song you don't know...

For almost 2 months that I've been with him, as a friend or I don't know what should I call it, I've learned a lot. I've learned another way of loving through hope, hope that made me realize a lot of things, things that made me become a better person as what I am now. But I can't deny the fact that until now I'm still hoping for the possibility that we could be together. I still fantasize all the great things that we could do, we could be together, we could grow old together, we could talk anything and everything under the sun, we were a perfect match. The situation was too big that I couldn't handle it, bigger than him, bigger than me. I just don't understand why can't he love me back, or why won't he let me love him.I tried to move on and forget my feelings for him and just simply be a friend, but I can't. I did my very best to save what's left for us but I'm drowning with the thought of him getting over me. I did all the things that I know to show my love for him or to at least please him, but life is unfair... I couldn't have him. I don't know if he did something intimately to at least try it with me, but the funny thing is, he still have me. I'd like to move on, get over him, love myself again. If anger is the only way for me to completely forget this, I'm willing to take it. If ending the friendship will cause me peace of mind and sanity, then I'll take the risk. I don't need him just to be my friend, I need him to grow old with me. I need his love, I need him every now and then, I want him in every moment of my life, I need him.Everytime we talk, everytime he talks about him waiting for his prince charming, him getting tired of waiting, him longing for love, I can't help but wonder why does he need to look around, when I'm already here waiting for him willing to love him with all my heart. And everytime that happens, it gnaws me from inside out, and I couldn't stand it.But hope is overrated, and I need to let go. I will maybe lose a good friend but soon, I will be able to redeem my self-respect and I don't need to cry every night squeezing my head trying to figure out what's in his mind. I will let go of his smile, of his warm hugs, of all of our conversations, of all the shared memories with him, his company, his friendship, him...

If letting go of someone you love is like living a life without purpose, I'll find one...

If it's like driving without destination, there will be people that I could ask for it... 

And if it's like singing a song you don't know, I can sing karaoke...